When it comes to asking for help, women aren’t particularly good at it. I don’t mean this to be a derogatory sexist statement, but not only have I seen this one too many times, I can personally relate to it. And this does not only occur in business, but more so in our personal lives too!
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help. We don’t exist in our own little bubble, and our survival is also dependent on other people. “No man is an island,” the old adage says.
But why is it that women don’t reach out when things get overwhelmingly hard? I’ve thought about this question a lot and with many wonderful resources I have read, I’ve narrowed it down to 5 main reasons why women don’t ask for help.
All of us at some point in our lives have felt like an impostor, that we pretend to know what we’re doing all the time. Because of this, we are frightened that we will be found out on the fraud that we believe we are as soon as we delegate.
According to Louis Laves Web in his article Why Asking For Help Can Be A Challenging But Necessary Skill Set, “However, not knowing how to do a task does not make you bad at what you do, it makes you human. No single person is able to accomplish anything all alone, and by revealing your limitations you are providing others with the opportunity to share their insight, learn from you, and create an experience that may be life-enhancing for both parties.”
He goes on to talk about people not being able to function alone. We all live inside systems; families, neighbourhoods, cities, and that these all work best when we work together.
Jeffrey Pferrer, in a study looking at why people don’t delegate, talks of Self-Enhancement Bias. People believe that they are superior somehow and delegating will detract from their own self-importance. When in fact, he says that giving up being the expert and having to do everything alone takes huge amounts of confidence and self-worth.
In a business context, choosing the right people to be in your team, providing them with the training they need and creating systems and processes for them to follow will provide everyone the confidence that tasks will be done properly without the need for micromanagement.
Sometimes we don’t seek help or advice because we don’t want to know the truth. We are in denial that something in our businesses or lives is not working, even though we really know it isn’t.
Recognizing that we might have a tendency to do this and allowing others to tell us when they think we are is a good place to start.
This is purely and simply a hangover from a time when women were supposed to do what they were told, and not to tell others what to do. This is a societal construct in our minds that needs to be booted out.
Catherine Crawley in her article The Art of Graceful Delegation states, “When delegating is done well, employees feel engaged and empowered to do meaningful work. Workplace performance improves, and productivity increases. Done well, delegating positively impacts the bottom line. “
So when you start thinking that way, consciously recognize that that thought is a lie. Remind yourself that what you are doing is a sign of strength, and being a strong woman is a good thing.
We may have reached out for help or delegated tasks to others before, and unfortunately, have gone very, very pear-shaped. If this happened to me, it could make me less likely to ask other people do to things in the future. And while this situation can happen, it shouldn’t stop us to try again.
Today, I asked my almost 19-year-old child to do some washing as I have been rushing out the door before 8 AM for the third day in a row. When I got home at almost 4 PM, she was putting the load I turned on before I left that morning!
So, instead of deciding not to ask her to do the washing in the future, I waited for the steam to stop coming out of my ears. Then, I calmly talk to her about why we need to help each other out especially on days when I have so much to do for my business. Not only has doing so let us steer clear of another argument, but it is helping build our relationship, which is always a good thing.
I want to make it very clear that I am no saint when it comes to asking for help or delegating. It took me two years of trying to do it all until I got my own Virtual Assistant to help me, and I often get myself in a mess before I ask. So, this post is as much for me as it is for you.
Admitting we need help is not a sign of failure but a sign of self-awareness. No human being is good at everything. To delegate or let go is an acknowledgement of our weaknesses and shortcomings, and being humble enough to recognize that we need a bit of help sometimes.
Do you recognize yourself in any of the reasons? Not to worry, we’re here to help! You can reach out and send us a message on our Facebook page. Talk to us, tell us your thoughts and maybe we can help you out in asking for help in your business.
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